The truth about adulting (so far) I.

Follow your passion, they say. So I did. But also, have a plan B, they say. So I did. Live in the present moment, they say. But also be wise, save money, and think about your future.

Have fun and enjoy your youth. But also work hard to build a life for yourself, because those are the most productive years you have. Don't commit to anyone and enjoy yourself. But also, get yourself into a serious relationship.

Explore and search for who you are. But also, have it all figured out because, you know, you're an adult now. Love who you are, and be unapologetically yourself. But also, not too much.

Life is full of paradoxes, isn't it?

We preach water but drink wine. We preach about how balance is the key while getting 5 hours of sleep. We preach that #girlssupportgirls, and then we learn our friend's friends of another friend have been talking shit about us all along.

I've tried to follow some of the advice I got from different people and from social media. And ended up somewhere between nowhere and lost.

I followed my passion and ended up with a degree in music history. Unless I want to spend my life researching music history (which I don't), it's useless. 

I followed my passion once more and attempted to become a world-famous DJ. I ended up making a 30-second snippet and played it to an audience of one (my boyfriend).

Now I'm trying to follow my passion for the third time (the third time's a charm, isn't it?), and I play with the idea of starting a business. I guess I've been following way too many #bossbabe Instagram accounts and watch too much entrepreneurship content on YouTube.

So, here I am. 27 years young. I feel too old for so many things but still too young for plenty of others. Too old for not having a plan. Yet too young to have it all figured out.

Too old for not doing things on my own, but still too young (and shy) to call my dentist to book an appointment. Too old for being decent at multiple things and not really good at any of them. Too young to know everything. 

Some days I wake up, and I feel like the world is my oyster. Endless possibilities are waiting for me to conquer them. Most of the days, on the other hand, I wake up, and I'm like fuck it, I have no clue what I am doing with my life.

There are people (influencers) who seem to have a bright future ahead of them. They have contacts, own multiple properties, live in luxurious houses, and run successful businesses.

And then there's me. I wake up, clock into my 9-5 desk job, feel confused, go home, eat, and fall asleep, all while feeling desperate to find my "purpose." Or a sign. Just a little hint.

Should I start my own business? Should I focus on marketing? Should I quit my job and work for a non-profit? Should I also become an influencer (like it was that easy)?

I'm 27. Just 27. I graduated from university just two years ago. I've had a stable job for four freaking years. I'm still at the starting line. Unless I'm not.

I'm already 27. I should have my own place or be in the process of getting one. I should be progressing on the career ladder. I should have a safety net on my bank account. Maybe, I should already be engaged, married, or making baby plans.

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. But I genuinely think I'm not, otherwise, I wouldn't feel like I should be somewhere else doing something else, every fucking day. I just can't figure out what that something is.

Welcome to the adulthood, I guess.

These types of writing are my favorite. No plan, just words coming out. Mostly sarcastic, often confusing, but still wise, just like me. 🙃